she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
