i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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