at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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