We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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