it wasn't lemon gatorade
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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