you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
