I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
