I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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