I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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