She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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