No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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