Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
