Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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