I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
