If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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