I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
