guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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