Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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