This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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