his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
