It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
