the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
