Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
