Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
