If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
