On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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