There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
