There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
