Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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