We're like a lot better than the average bears
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
