Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
