I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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