if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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