dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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