remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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