So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
