i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize