i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
