its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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