I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize