I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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