either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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