Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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