So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
