after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
