Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
