Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
