What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize