I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
