my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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