they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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