I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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