In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
