I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
