I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
