just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
