that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
