watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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