Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
